Sunday, April 22, 2012

Oh so tired...

Yesterday night did not go so well... I had good intentions I drank 3 glasses of water at dinner before I even started drinking beer but once I did I went all out... oops.  It felt good to let go of reality but in the back of my head I was dreading entering those brew on my nutrition log.  But I did NOT eat any french fries, fried pickles or fried wings ! I had naked tenders which were basically baked pieces of chicken breast with no breading and sauce for dipping.  I actually didn't even use any ranch?!? That's a Buffalo Wild Wings first for me.  So I learned a good lesson one or two beers and then I need to be done.  Or better yet maybe I shouldn't even start to begin with that way I can avoid the 500 calories of alcohol I consumed last night. 

I woke up this morning after sleeping in until 9am which is pretty unheard of for me.  I felt good no hangover. Just tired.  I forget what that feels like as I don't really ever drink anymore. I am pooped, dead tired and Tom is on a mission to do Spring cleaning. I make myself the best smoothie ever! Frozen fruit, Almond Milk and a couple of scoops of protein powder mmmm... What a great start to the day and best of all it tastes like ice cream.  Now all I can think about is the homework that I have got to get done before tomorrow. I spring clean with Tommy for a couple of hours... it's good exercise anyway.  I hope I can get my steps in this way... The doughnuts are still on the counter I keep asking him if I can throw them away and he keeps saying no I am going to eat those.  I opened the box a few times just to take a whiff, pathetic I know but I am really trying to avoid licking one or worse yet taking a huge bite.  I need to keep my goals in the front of my mind ...remember ? GET IN SHAPE SO YOU CAN BE HEALTHY WHEN YOU GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES... I want to be a fit mom, not a sit on the couch and watch cartoons mom.  My biological clock is ticking I am approaching 30 and am eager to get this show on the road.  But I have to be able to take care of myself before I go trying to bring another person into this world. 
After Spring cleaning I am exhausted so I come upstairs and take a nap.  It feels really good just an hour but by then Tom is working on a project, hooking up some wireless speakers and is pretty grouchy.  I asked him if he would like some lunch and start to preheat the oven and bring the last of the Subway sandwiches from yesterday out. He says no go away ! It was peaceful when you were sleeping.  Me being grouchy and tired myself get into my car and go for a ride.  I am not going to fight with him its just not worth it.  So I go for a drive and I feel the itch to go get some unhealthy food.  Maybe I should call someone to distract me or maybe I should go get a latte from Starbucks, that's not too bad and it would distract me also.  Or maybe I should just go back home and ignore Tom.  So naturally I pull through Arby's and get a sandwich.  UGH!!! I put the bag on the seat and decide that I am not going to open it.  So I just leave it there and continue to drive.   OK maybe I will take one bite and then throw the rest away.  So I unwrap the sandwich and take one bite.  Hmmm not bad but not that good either.  It is so much saltier than I remember salt is sodium an that is not good but I am kind of unnerved right now so I eat the whole damn thing.  Shit ... now I am going to have to log that. Which means I am going to have to fess up that I ate that... damn...  Food is my drug of choice for sure any trigger stress, anger, frustration, anxiety and I go for food.  This is going to take some practice.

Overall mood for today: Tired and disappointed in my choices. Boo!

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